School's out for summer. Uh, winter. For now, anyway. I've been working, and hard, and I've been playing video games, and just not getting online. Sorry. I've failed both you as well as me. Now let's get on with it.

A long time ago I told you about Mil Millington's Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About. Mil is a really funny writer, and a semi-celebrity in Britain. But tonight while perusing his site I discovered something that lowered my opinion of him enormously. Look and see. Mil Millington has a mullet. It's hard to take someone seriously when they are sporting the most popular and most ridiculous hairstyle ever created. Business in the front, party in the back. It just goes to show that you can't judge a book by it's cover.

Well, it must go to show something.

The holidays are coming, and thank goodness there's finally a one-stop-shop online with great gifts for all of my zombie friends. Last year I gave them all flame retardent suits, but now year they can stop eliminating the middle man and buy all their brains direct. thanks gensyn!

When it comes to dating tips, dance lessons, New Year's resolutions, or even your mama, there's only one place to go: zefrank.com.

Pay attention guys, cause I'm about to break your heart. Sometimes the original photograph, with it's subject's natural lines and curves, pores and follicles, isn't (to the editor) good enough to print. That's when Photoshoppers come into play. Here's a demonstration from Greg Apodaca's online portfolio.

Keep this stuff in mind when you check out Esquire's new photo spread of Britney Spears.

He's not just our President, he's also a man with an artistic soul. Feast on this poem by GW.

Do not pass go

I typically aim for the red properties in Monopoly, because I've seen games won with just those spots developed (Advance to Illinois!). But this report on the probabilities in Monopoly point to the Orange as the money spots. When you've checked it out, you may want to amaze yourself with the varieties of Monopoly games that are available.

Comicon is coming to Baltimore, and admission is FREE!! The website is filled with great links, too. Check out one of the very best artists in comics, Alex Ross, the man who painted Marvels and Kingdom Come.

While I don't have an X-Box, and I don't plan on getting one, I do love this site about the X-Box Live service. It's informative, sharply animated, and funny.

If you're interested, I found it on the online resume of one of the creators, Andy Foulds. His site is filled with fun wastes of time, too.

As I read about the US Army actively using the media to spread the message of their domination of Iraq, I remembered that George Orwell's 1984 is online and searchable. If you haven't read it, it's worth checking out, before 'they' manage to immanentize the Eschaton.

That should keep us busy for a few minutes!

Who Are You? I'm a drunken hunk who gropes Bill Cosby.

Evolution-Control runs a Counter-Strike server. I checked out their website, and was pretty impressed by the culture jamming projects. Particularly the napsterbombs (mp3).

My friend Bones seems to be finding all the best links these days. Tonight he guided me to some "new" GI Joe PSAs.

Right inside the door to my apartment building is a creepy spider. I'm petrified by spiders. Usually, anyway. Sometimes I can keep the creep factor down long enough actually inspect one. But the chill that runs through me, the prickly feeling in my back, in my legs when I have to step over a spider, that is an ick that doesn't wash off easily.

The first page google came up with when I typed 'Spider' was the exact site I was looking for. The "Spider Homepage" is the result of work done as a school project by 10 year olds in Australia. I was worried that the spider might be a brown recluse, but the photos proved me wrong. Good thing, too, judging from the nasty pics at the bottom of the page. It also says that brown recluses aren't common in (or rather, it excludes) Maryland, but I've heard different.

I didn't find my spider, though. But I'm sure we'll keep away from one another. After all, he's supposed to be more scared of me then I am of him!

Right?

Ready for you rap attack? Witness the slizamming power of: Chonky!

Today Weenradio is looping the new Ween album, Quebec. Go! Now!

Sorry for the lack of updates. Really, there's no excuse, except I haven't been surfing like I used to. I'll try to get better.

Here's something that should keep you entertained and busy and away from the tv (1): Help this little dood save his home!

Speaking of blogs, comic writer extraordinaire Warren Ellis has a blog, too.

One of my favorite bloggers is back!

Wil Wheaton likes the Grateful Dead. Wil Wheaton doesn't have any kind boots. Do your soul a favor and kick some down.

The Box Office Generator! You pick the genre, the actors, director...hell, you put together everything, and this page calculates the success and profit of the film. Hmmm, I wonder if Project Greenlight is watching?

Wil Wheaton's blogging from the road, via audblog. Listen to him as he gains experience and confidence with his voice and practices for his future on NPR.

Instead of doing any real design work on my site, or any real content, I've just added a slew of links I regularly visit, as well as many of the blogs I troll. Those should keep you busy for a little while, while I handle some business.

For those of you who liked role playing games, like Dungeons and Dragons, and would like to play computer games of a similar nature, but don't have the time to get bogged down into Everquest or something, here's your solution: Progress Quest. It's a tiny download and you'll love it. I'm level 15 in a matter of hours, and I've barely paid it any attention.

If you don't like those games, still download it. It's not what you think, and it'll give you a laugh.

Cybersex, geek style (funny and innapropriate). Straight outta Underwear Ninja

This is the first image ever taken of planet Earth from another planet. The Earth is absolutely beautiful. At least from Very Far Away.

Picture a bright blue ball just spinning, spinning free; dizzy with possibility

I just breezed through Nowhere Girl, an online comic about a girl finding herself. The art is good and the story is compelling.

The Css-Zen Garden is a collection of CSS-designed pages, each with the same text, but with different art and layouts. It's a really nice way to discover much of what CSS can do, and to get layout inspiration as well.

Midway through the month and I've had 73 hits! Pretty good for an underdeveloped collection of weblinks! Though I have to wonder who found my site by searching for Nude Wil Wheaton pics. That's just not right! Expect some graphical updates and a more permanent collection of my favorite sites posted here on TvToo. And thanks for stopping by!

Blockdeath: A Collection of Horrors. via News of the Dead

Homer Simpson Suppressed. An essay by Paul Krassner dealing with Fox's lawyers and a very verbose introduction by Homer Simpson. I found it on the Robert Anton Wilson Online Library. If you're unfamiliar with RAW, please check out the Illuminatus! Trilogy and Cosmic Trigger Vol. 1. Most of my personal philosophies stem from these books. Hail Eris!

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

If you need more than a break, you need a quick escape, than take a look at Leisuretown. It's an online magazine with articles written specifically for the perverted, plastic animal in all of us. It's a little much to look at the first time, though, so I just hit the 'random' link at the top for awhile.

Garage A Troi has put 5 tracks off of their new album up for your listening pleasure, free!

Straight off the front page of Metafilter, here's the Visual Telling of Stories Archive. inside you'll find many different types of illustration, collected to give illustrators ideas based on existing works. I particularly like the Bang section.

Dictionaraoke! Musical collage artists put together popular songs with lyrics sung by online dictionaries. The version of NIN's Closer is the funniest thing I've heard today.

Eugene Mirman

I've been trying to find a song online that I've got in my head. All I remember is the refrain "Hole in my heart." In my search I found Jonathan Harel's lyrics collection. On the surface it's just another site compiling the words to almost 2000 songs. But the cool thing about this site is that almost every word is cross-referenced. Click on a word and a list pops up that tells you each lyric in the database that contains that word. And you can search for words, too. I noticed that there are 3093 instances in this collection of the word "love," but not a single one of the word "fart." Interesting, huh?

RollingStone.com has a photo feature showcasing their 95 nude (or semi-nude) covers.

This site has pictures of San Francisco from the movie Vertigo, circa 1958, and pictures of the same locations in 2003. It's really fascinating to see how the city has changed, and how it has stayed the same.

Bang Bang! Wrestling legend Mick Foley is selling his car on Ebay!

Brad Christenson has been responding to Nigerian Email Scams. Here's my favorite, in which he demands to meet the "Nigerian Senator" at a nude beach.

Bowling for Oscars
I agree with the sentiment behind Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine, but I hated his use of the Oscars as his bully platform. This article talks about how Moore used (or misused) editing techniques to make his points in <1>Bowling, even to the point of misleading and lying.

The Mirror Project

Something to celebrate everyday! Today is "Cancer is not a Gay Disease Day!"

Miniclip has enough fun flash games to keep you busy at "work" for the whole week.

Now you don't even have to know how to program to make computer games! Remember when they were called computer games? That was fun.
The Game Maker is a program that allows you to build hundreds of your own games.

In Passing is a site that collects random quips and conversations overheard by its submitters. There's lots of funny and weird selections, and they're all pretty short, so you can drop by for a few seconds and take away a smile. "So I said to the monsignor, 'heeeyyy, that's MY anus!"

Blogs have really taken off, and it seems like everybody has one. Even The Incredible Hulk has been keeping a blog. Not the angry, dark, frothing at the mouth Hulk, but the green, childish but insanely strong member of The Avengers Hulk, and explores his feelings about such things as his movie, the comic books, and the Grammys. via metafilter

Usually I can figure out "psychic" web applications, but this one is either too complex, or I'm too lazy and headachey to try. Still, it's pretty amazing. via #!/usr/bin/girl

Greg Perry began making stop action home movies in 1998. He soon moved on to using LEGOs in his movies. He's recently completed a brilliant video for Ween's "Mollusk." Check it out; it's awesome action to accompany awesome sound.

You'll spend way too much time trying to master this game. I've only made it to level seven. Let me know if you can beat that!

I probably posted this a long time ago, but it's worth watching again. And....wheeeeeeeeeeee!

I'm sorry to be posting such a disgusting flash cartoon, but it might make you laugh. Also, check out the Valentine's Day card.

When Zaphod Beeblebrox saw himself in relation to the universe, it merely convinced him of what he already knew. See how miniscule you actually are, and beyond.

Join the army, travel to a foreign, exotic land, meet interesting people and kill them. That's what the army is for, right? Well, there are some things the army is not for. Here's 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the US Army. courtesy Fuckallyall.com

This page is such a good waste of time, I hesitate to even call it a waste of time. Tucker Max gets girls.

The person I originally created this blog for, the guy who asked me to start sending him fun links I came across, the guy who has never to my knowledge looked at this page since that first day, is one of the most frustrating people with whom to have an argument. Luckily, tonight I found this page, which describes in detail various methods of conversational terrorism (what RAW called "guerilla semantics"). Now I can at least defend myself using those same ugly tactics.

When you're done with that bit of intellectual, interpersonal nonsense, check out this article I found called "My Penis May Be A Terrorist."

15 Things You Hope Never Happen To You In A Urinal - by Bendependent

Before he was known as Doctor Seuss, Theodore Giesel's main souce of income was from drawing advertising copy. Here's a great collection of his early work.

I feel pretty. Oh! I mean, I feel pretty lame that I've never seen Homestar Runner until tonight. If you are in the same lame boat as me, get into the cool by clicking on the "first time here" bubble on the right. Your life may never be the same again.

No One May Ever Have This Same Knowledge Again. Once you've perused these three letters to the Mount Wilson Observatory, written between 1915 and 1935, check out what I found when I googled the words "I hate Nostradamus." Jen Kirkman pretty much sums up why I hate to even hear his name mentioned.

Here's the CNN version of the Tennessee story two posts below.

The Smoking Gun has up it's top 15 mug shots for 2002. Pretty fugly, people.

We, the management would like to apologize for the interruption of web funnery, but apparently the cops in Tennessee, at least in this case, are way too gung ho for our own good. via disinformation

I know it's been awhile. Please don't cry. Instead, check out one of my favorite online comic strips, Diesel Sweeties, and this amazingly fun flash applet. via grrl.com